Its been quite some time writing here. There have been multiple thoughts running in my mind for quite sometime but never could write here. Every other piece found solace in my personal diary. Indian Matchmaking series on Netflix had invited so much debate on social media on the way it portrayed the concept of arranged marriages in India and there were so much discussions on the generalizations the show had. This post is not a review of the series but this one got me thinking. I have always been a thinker and there are so many thoughts I feel like sharing with the world. Human relationships have always been my personal favorites and it has never failed to fascinate me.
When I get to think about love, relationships, marriages, emotional attachments etc., the way I feel about them have matured with time. The way I was thinking about love at 21 is way different than how I feel about them at 27 now. As time passes and as life introduces you to various experiences, our perception keeps changing and refining. Few very important reflections which I strongly believe in are what I write down below:
1) 'Being clear' is not equal to 'being stubborn'
'Being clear' about the kind of life partner you need to spend your life with cannot be equated to 'being stubborn.' Being clear about the kind of life partner you need comes from a very deeper space inside where you are clear about the kind of person YOU are primarily. It is not superficial and is always towards foundational values. You can be clear about the basic values your partner must possess and that is for God's sake not too much to ask for.
2) Taking time to decide the one is not 'missing the bus.'
Relationships are surely about accommodating. It could be about sacrificing that window seat for a lifetime, sharing your favorite chocolate forever, taking more photos of your partner than getting clicked or getting up early so that your partner is not skipping the breakfast, etc. These things are not easy and they do not happen overnight. They seem effortless only when you start liking the other person. Else it is a constant tug of war and a competition between each other. A relationship takes in time, effort and energy and it is ABSOLUTELY okay to take some time to decide.
3) Right person is not about 'Yeh best profile hai...'
Many a times we are striving to meet that right person to share life with. But maybe it does not work like that. The key is about striving to 'be the right person' for the other. It is about creating a cozy space for the other one so that the person who comes in gets to see the better version of YOU. More importantly the efforts to be the BEST for the other one should be directed INWARDS.
4) Your right time is not about Seema Aunty's 'right time' :P
Marriage is not a race and the one who gets married first probably won't be given a medal. It is not about being early or getting late. We all have our timelines and they are DIFFERENT. We shall be at peace when we realize that we can only think about what's in our circle of influence.
5) Horoscope matching is not insurance coverage for a marriage :P
Matching it or not matching it, either of it shall not determine the success of a marriage but the two individuals involved do. Marriage or any relationship is a constant effort and the effort needs to be from both sides. One person can contribute less sometimes and the other one has to make up for it and sometimes it is the other way around. Maintaining the balance is not anyone else's duty but of the two people involved.
6) The end is a new beginning
Change is the only thing that is CONSTANT which is a biggest cliche these days fits appropriately everywhere. After all these when we finally decide in and say 'Yes' to a marriage, it is not gonna be about, 'This is it...!! This is how it is going to be." With time, with circumstances, with life lessons everything may change. With time, your life partner can change, you may change, your belief systems may change, habits can change and even characters can change. When life is a journey, nothing shall be constant.
There is so much to write about this and this topic is never ending and ever evolving. But I loved sharing these thoughts which I firmly believe in.
Let me know what you feel :)
Much Love,
Naveen Nagaraj
