Indian Matchmaking-Busting the Generalizations

Its been quite some time writing here. There have been multiple thoughts running in my mind for quite sometime but never could write here. Every other piece found solace in my personal diary. Indian Matchmaking series on Netflix had invited so much debate on social media on the way it portrayed the concept of arranged marriages in India and there were so much discussions on the generalizations the show had. This post is not a review of the series but this one got me thinking. I have always been a thinker and there are so many thoughts I feel like sharing with the world. Human relationships have always been my personal favorites and it has never failed to fascinate me.

When I get to think about love, relationships, marriages, emotional attachments etc., the way I feel about them have matured with time. The way I was thinking about love at 21 is way different than how I feel about them at 27 now. As time passes and as life introduces you to various experiences, our perception keeps changing and refining. Few very important reflections which I strongly believe in are what I write down below: 

1) 'Being clear' is not equal to 'being stubborn' 

'Being clear' about the kind of life partner you need to spend your life with cannot be equated to 'being stubborn.' Being clear about the kind of life partner you need comes from a very deeper space inside where you are clear about the kind of person YOU are primarily. It is not superficial and is always towards foundational values. You can be clear about the basic values your partner must possess and that is for God's sake not too much to ask for.  

2) Taking time to decide the one is not 'missing the bus.'

Relationships are surely about accommodating. It could be about sacrificing that window seat for a lifetime, sharing your favorite chocolate forever, taking more photos of your partner than getting clicked or getting up early so that your partner is not skipping the breakfast, etc. These things are not easy and they do not happen overnight. They seem effortless only when you start liking the other person. Else it is a constant tug of war and a competition between each other. A relationship takes in time, effort and energy and it is ABSOLUTELY okay to take some time to decide. 

3) Right person is not about 'Yeh best profile hai...'

Many a times we are striving to meet that right person to share life with. But maybe it does not work like that. The key is about striving to 'be the right person' for the other. It is about creating a cozy space for the other one so that the person who comes in gets to see the better version of YOU. More importantly the efforts to be the BEST for the other one should be directed INWARDS.

4) Your right time is not about Seema Aunty's 'right time' :P 

Marriage is not a race and the one who gets married first probably won't be given a medal. It is not about being early or getting late. We all have our timelines and they are DIFFERENT. We shall be at peace when we realize that we can only think about what's in our circle of influence.

5) Horoscope matching is not insurance coverage for a marriage :P 

Matching it or not matching it, either of it shall not determine the success of a marriage but the two individuals involved do. Marriage or any relationship is a constant effort and the effort needs to be from both sides. One person can contribute less sometimes and the other one has to make up for it and sometimes it is the other way around. Maintaining the balance is not anyone else's duty but of the two people involved. 

6) The end is a new beginning 

Change is the only thing that is CONSTANT which is a biggest cliche these days fits appropriately everywhere. After all these when we finally decide in and say 'Yes' to a marriage, it is not gonna be about,  'This is it...!! This is how it is going to be." With time, with circumstances, with life lessons everything may change. With time, your life partner can change, you may change, your belief systems may change, habits can change and even characters can change. When life is a journey, nothing shall be constant.        

There is so much to write about this and this topic is never ending and ever evolving. But I loved sharing these thoughts which I firmly believe in. 

Let me know what you feel :) 

Much Love,

Naveen Nagaraj

A year already to our dream...!!

                 As I write this post today, I feel blessed and it fills me with joy that a dream that we four friends saw together sometime back has seen the light of the day and the baby is a year old already today. April 6th 2019, on the auspicious day of Ugadi, we launched our firm and told that we have commenced our operations. A year later, this is not just a dream that is confined to the four of us but a dream that has become a part of nine of us. Something that started as a leap of faith is now taking its baby steps and slowly steering ahead. 

              Entrepreneurship is a journey into the unknown and every day is new, exciting and just leaves you hanging with the hope that something better is awaiting you. No day has been the same since we started this journey. There are some days where we are down, tired in anticipation, disappointed and then there are days where we are fully charged up, excited about something about to happen and cannot stop counting how blessed we are. One thing we have realized as a team is to not force an outcome onto something. If something happens, let it and if something doesn't happen there must be a higher purpose for the same. 

               The biggest challenge for any entity in their year zero is to find its first team, to get people on board who believe you and the idea, people who are ready to risk and take a leap of faith with YOU. Whatever is the idea, it could never reach its intended purpose if the team does not really care about the organization's 'Why?' Our idea has always been to build a workplace where the team comes in to the office excited, goes back home fulfilled and work with a clear vision of 'being concerned' and we aspire to build such a work space. 

                   With this post, we thank our initial clients who believed in us and trusted us with their requirements. We thank the wonderful team we are blessed to have with us who inspire us to aspire more. We also thank everyone who have just wished us good and have helped us keep our morale up including our families, friends, well-wishers etc. As we enter into another year of unknown, I must say we are eagerly waiting to see the path that would unfold in front of us... 

Gratitude and love,

Naveen Nagaraj 

Women's Day 2020

Something that will make you smile as soon as you read this:

Dear Women, 

It is something that we men always forget doing, something that we have missed from times immemorial, something that we take it for granted and something that you no longer expect: A thank you with a gratitude... 

For the roles you play in our life or say in the universe, will just a 'thank you' do? A cute little baby, a friend, a classmate, a cousin, a supportive colleague, a best friend, a sister, a spouse, a working women, a homemaker, a mother, a grandmother and it still does not end there. As if born to multi task, when you can handle so many things at once with ease and leave us in awe, we still do not acknowledge that fact thinking you are just discharging your responsibilities on yet another day. 

As a mother when you had dedicated your life to us, maybe we had forgotten that you were once a young lady and you had dreams in life too. But you had taken a U-turn from a dream life of yours and chose to take care of me instead. As a wife, when you once came in to offer your suggestions for the business, we did not really take it seriously ignoring the fact that you were once a topper and had an entrepreneur in you who got burried later. When you left your family after marriage and came home, we did not take it very seriously thinking it was your duty & societal norms to do so.

Why should we tell you a thank you? Is it for being that crush who made our life beautiful? Is it for being that English teacher who made life beautiful with stories in an otherwise boring school? Is it for being that one and only mom who thinks 24/7 only about our family? Is it for being that ungettable girl who showed us  void in our life? Is it for being that cute grandma telling stories of 1960's? Is it for being that always bankable best friend who would bring us back to track? Is it for being that colleague who helped us with SAP before getting fired? Is it for being the wife who understands everything that was spoken in the way she wants? :P

Yes!! We are sometimes insensitive by not acknowledging things in the regular way but we do it in a way so subtle that you may never get it. When we tell you, "Mom, do not cook today. It's a Sunday. Let's go out" we care for you. When we tell you, "Text me when you reach back home" we care for you. When we tell you, "I pity your husband. I am sure he will not be able to tolerate you even for two days" we care for you. When we tell you, "Don't walk down home. It's already late. I will pick you from busstop" we care for you. When we tell you, "I hate you. Don't talk to me" we care for you. But we don't tell that maybe. 

As we move forward and understand women empowerment is the talk of the town, we believe there is nothing that you are incapable of. Sometimes the empowerment can be scary especially when it pushes you to extents wherein you start feeling we are so independent now that we can live without men. When that happens there will be a huge disconnect and we may stop believing that we are humans first and again go back to the same root problem from where it started. 

As we end this letter, we just want to reiterate the fact that you are special and you will stay loved and respected. A formal Thank you...

Love, 

Men.

My 10 Years Challenge

What a decade can actually do? Much more than what we can even think of maybe. My 10 years challenge would bring out two different people in contrast maybe. Years back, I was very shy, very less confident, quite inferior about myself and extremely submissive. I still remember the beginning of PU days where walking into the class was quite a thing as I was so less confident about myself and all the eyes will usually be on people entering the class. My dressing sense was really poor back then. Maybe I used to say 'yes' to people only because I didn't want to disappoint them. I was a topper all through and to be frank, I was not really proud of it 'so much' because I knew just academic accomplishments isn't my real thing. I used to never share about these inner conflicts with even the close ones because they were mine alone and for everyone else I was still a very happy-go-lucky guy who had got lucky with life. 

Slowly things started changing during my University days in Christ where I started giving more presentations. Somehow these things really help you gain some confidence. With time I started working on myself. With time, I enjoyed being called on to the stage and enjoyed getting the attention. I learnt saying 'No', I started taking more initiatives, grabbed every opportunity to go on stage, made more meaningful relationships and started loving myself more with time. It wasn't easy and it didn't happen quickly. 

Now, fast forward to this day in 2020, I love the person I see on mirror everyday and I am happy that I have come a long way overcoming my inner fears and battling my own inferiority complexes. My confidence level has increased to a level I am proud of. I still have a long way to go and lot of shortcomings to overcome but I so love this journey of going within. Loving oneself is primary before one could even share it with another person. Self love is the most important aspect of fighting inner battles and healing. It's important to appreciate our journey and accept ourself first with all our flaws. This post is my 10 years challenge 😁. I can't wait to see what this decade has got to surprise me with. Let the path unfold for itself 🙈

What an year can actually do...!!

Hello everyone,

Welcome to my small li'l world with this new blog 'Live Life 360 degrees.' The name of this blog has been the dearest to me and the reason being it gives such a wholesome picture of life. This is my first post in the blog and it has to be something special. Today marks an year to that one life altering decision of entering the unknown space. 10th October 2018 was my last working day at my previous organization and the day my long journey of sabbatical and introspection within started. This one year is conveniently split into two halves where the first half was about the 180 days sabbatical and the second half about building our dream organization(which is a work in progress and will be...). When I look back to reflect upon, I can just wonder 'What an year can actually do to one's life..."

Day 180:
"Many a times we lose ourself for a while only to get to a point where we begin the journey to find reasons to find our true self again. " Day 180 of the sabbatical and I wake up feeling so alive just like how it has been these days. My days are filled with so much more purpose and I am able to get so many things done in a day than I could possibly think of. The best compliment I get these days and which I love listening to is, "You look so happier now." This isn't about the external but this is something about the internal which is being reflected externally and that really makes me happy. It wasn't really easy getting to Day 180 this way and make a 180 degree turn or a detour to get to this happy place. It had its share of incorporating small changes and practices into life, making some life changing decisions and focusing a lot on inner peace and gratitude.

So the question goes to how did it all start?

Day 0:

I have always been this guy who loves doing what he does and do only those things which he really loves. I was basically someone who goes to office happily, works with all the passion, gets along with the team so well and come back home fulfilled. Monday blues was something I din't vouch for and my weekdays were equally exciting as my weekends. Somehow sometime back things started to change and I started noticing the change within. I was not the same guy when I looked in the mirror. I was a tired, unfit, slightly overweight guy who had lost himself along the way in the verge of building a societal successful life who almost represented someone who had no life left. If I visualized myself, I felt like all the cells in my body had turned grey, almost lifeless. I din't know how do I make some amends but I surely knew I can't be 'this' and I needed to change. I started questioning my own existence and my purpose in life. The word 'purpose' started fascinating me so much. It was as if I had to crack a code now.

Amidst all the chaos in the mind, I decided to quit my job and communicated the same. I was not able to answer the questions that came up next, "What next?" Even on my last working day, I was unsure of my journey ahead. 

Day 1:
So, the journey to the unknown started on October 11th, 2018. I knew I had to just start somewhere. Fitness was one thing on my list which I had always pushed and I started jogging. The first day I started jogging, I was taken aback at my stooped down stamina levels as I could barely manage a 200 mts run. I started panting with heavy breath as if I would die the very next moment. That's exactly when it hit me hard that I had neglected my health all the while and I need to consistently show up every single day on the ground. By then I had started believing that 'Consistency is the key.' 

I started reading about mindful eating. Its about being aware of the food intake into the body and differentiating between a healthy intake and an unhealthy one. I started consuming more healthy food and completely avoided having junk food. I completed my '90 days no junk challenge' during this sabbatical. It is always said that for following a fitness regime or a weight loss journey, diet forms a major constitution coupled with regular exercises. Mindfulness is about being present in the PRESENT. So mindful eating is about paying full attention to the food being consumed. I also reduced my daily coffee intakes to two to three from maybe five and started a practice of having my dinner at 8.30 PM as against the previous 10.30 PM. 

Before the very start of this journey, I was certain that I need to implement a few lifestyle changes so that I can get into this holy concept of a 'sustainable living' which is about living a life being more aware in the present so that the future that holds sight looks promising, healthy and filled with a very good quality of life. Terms like 'sustainable living', 'quality of life' have always been ignored right? Back in January 2018, I had faced a near death experience while river rafting in Rishikesh, Uttarakhand and river Ganga was kind enough to give me a second chance to life. There was something about that experience that had left an impact deep down. Anything could have happened which would have refrained me from even writing this post but I came back. It felt like it was life's way of cautioning me about the life I had been living then. It felt like someone shouting from behind, "Giving you another chance. Change paths and make the best of it." I had not ignored that warning ever since then. It was something that was always in the back of my mind.

So as I started running and focusing on my eating habits, slowly with time I could start seeing results. The small results were a hope to continue it further. The next question to be answered was on the career front. "What next?" was the question for which I wanted to find answers to. 

The first focus area was to understand myself better, know what is that I love doing, what actually excites me and what am I good at. But before that, the primary question was 'What is my purpose in life? What was the reason for my birth as a human being?' This wasn't any easy thing to know. It is about connecting back to the soul on a deeper level. It is about hearing your inner voice from the soul ignoring all the external noise. Once I realized my purpose in life, the next thing was to know how do I articulate it better & once I am in a position to articulate it, the next thing was to identify those tasks/pursuits in my life which will help me lead my life in a way which will allign my goals to my purpose. So, what is my purpose in life which I have unlocked for myself can be a different blog post in itself.

Once I understood my purpose & identified the means of being in that path, I realized that there are so many things to do in this one life and the work I do now as a Chartered Accountant is just one of it. My life as a professional is not that only thing I want to do in life, though I really love my work. The ground work was very important & I started doing a lot of things in those 180 days. I knew I will never get this time again in my life & made use of every single day. 

I started reading the book 'Start with Why' by Simon Sinek and that book really did create a huge impact on my thought process. I started working on the vision statement of our new organization and how do we want to see this firm. I met a few people to know their journey better. This period saw me read a lot of incredible books, watch a lot of movies, documentaries and met a lot of people with whom I had wonderful conversations. This was also the time I reconnected with my parents better. We got a lot of time to talk like before and the time we spend everyday now is just about quality time. A lot of times we keep chasing different milestones one after the other that we tend to take the people we really love for granted under the pretext that 'they will always understand' but not always.

Reflections:
This journey of 180 days actually changed me as a person deep down. My intentions became very clear and that had an impact on all aspects of my life. My days now start with nothing but gratitude for giving me yet another day in life & my nights end with gratitude again for wonderful blessings of the day. I can recognize my emotions easily now and can make peace with it. It isn't that I don't have bad days now & life is a rozy picture but it is just that I appreciate the smaller blessings of life now and that makes things better. I now take life one day at a time every single day. I try refining my thought processes every day. I focus on building deeper and better relationships now. Self love is very important and I have realized it well enough now.

This journey of 180 days has made my priorities in life very clear. It also now makes me start everything only after questioning the WHY. My relationship with money is harmonious now. Things are going on pretty well at the firm we started and is positive. The last 6 months has been a true blessing to us.

What an year can do in one's life?- The answer is an year can do a lot of things in one's life if and only if we want our life to change for better & work consistently towards it. Everyday is an unknown space to walk ahead and conquer(instead of just getting by). Being 'Alive.Awake.Aware' is such a wonderful combination. The journey from quitting my mainstream job of 10 to 8 without knowing what to do next & working on a lot of things knowing exactly why I do what I do was this 180 days journey. Everyday now is some inches towards the set goals and dreams.  When life gives you such an opportunity to break free, take off & trust your gut as it always leads you to the right path...

With Love & Gratitude,
Naveen Nagaraj

Some Khaas Bath...!!

Someday towards the end of your life's timeline, when you are just sitting in a park looking at so many people walking, what will you think? You look at people who are much younger than you who have so much of life ahead of them, so many opportunities to change their life for better and so much of spirit left. At that moment, when you reflect back on your own life what will you supposedly say?

"Maybe my whole life would have changed for better, if only I had taken that one chance"
"If only I had not taken life so lightly..."
"If only I had gathered enough courage to confess my feelings to that only lady I ever loved..."
"If only I had spent enough time with my family and friends..."

OR

"I am so glad that I have lived my life without regrets."
"I am so glad that when I look back, I feel my life was complete and abundant in all aspects."
"Whenever I look at the young ones, I feel I have been there and done that."
"I have lived my entire life on my terms."

Live life 360 degrees is how I would want to see my life to be. It is about living life to the fullest. It is about knowing that life is a bigger picture than those petty things we worry about. It is about leading a life which is purposeful. It is about building a life, from which you don't need an escape. It is about building a life where you embrace your Mondays as dearly as you embrace your Fridays.

Welcome to this journey with me... This blog will be my personal blog till the time I see my very end. This space will have everything candid about life, travel diaries, bizarre experiences, learnt lessons, relationships etc. I would love seeing your comments to genuinely know your opinions, responses which will help us know each other better. Kindly subscribe to this blog by typing your Email ID on the right to receive notifications as and when there is a new blog post.

Loads of love and gratitude,
Naveen Nagaraj